Friday, April 20, 2012

Ramblings of My Child.

These are all actual conversations I've had with my son, who is 5.  He's been talking since he was 9 months old and hasn't stopped since.  Not even when he sleeps.

Him:  I just folded my pants.  Did you know you could do that?
Me:  Fold pants?  Yeah, I knew.
Him:  Usually you can only do that on Mars.  But I just did it here on Earth.

After many days in a row of waking up too early and being told he needed to go back to sleep for a "few more minutes," he again woke up before 6.  I went into his room and he held up his hand like a traffic cop and said, "Wait a minute.  Let me guess.  A few more minutes?"

Him:  Mom,  I want to ask you a question.
Me:  OK.
Him:  Mom, do cavemen exist?
Me:  They used to.
Him:  They don't anymore?
Me:  No.  Now there's just regular people now.
Him:  Mom, did cavemen have dogs and cats?
Me:  Probably not.
Him:  Oh.  Mom, how could you tell them apart?
Me:  Who?
Him:  The cavemen.  If they didn't wear clothes.
Me:  Huh?
Him:  Mom.  How could you tell which was a boy and which was a girl.
Me:  Oh.  Well, they had girl parts and boy parts like we do.
Him:  Like we do?
Me:  Yes.
Him:  Can you tell who is a girl and who is a boy if they aren't wearing clothes?
Me:  Can I?  Yes, I can.
Him:  Because the girls have long hair and the boys have short?
Me:  Yes.  That's exactly how.

Him:  Mom.  Are you almost done in there?
Me:  {from the shower} Almost.
Him:  Are you wearing your clothes?
Me: No.  I'm in the shower.
Him:  Well you could be.
Me:  No, I couldn't be, because I'm in the shower.
Him:  You could be wearing your bathing suit.
Me:  I don't do that.  People don't do that.
Him:  I do it.  Every day.  I wear my invisible one.

(In the car, on the way home from daycare)
Him:  Mom.  Can you please take me to Wendy's?
Me:  Not today, Honey.
Him:  Mom.  You are so mean.  You *never* take me to Wendy's and I'm starving for it.
Me: Nate, that's not nice.  And I just took you there 2 days ago.
Him:  But Mom.  That's soooooooo  loooooooong ago.
Me:  The answer is no.  Please don't ask me again.
Him:  Mom.  (Looking in the rearview mirror, I see him lean forward and he's pointing at me.)  If you don't take me to Wendy's right now I am going to throw up all over your car and you will have a BIG mess to clean up.
Me:  OK.
Him:  I want to go to Wendy's.
Me:  I thought your stomach hurt.
Him:  If you don't take me, I'll lose my voice.
Me:  That sounds perfect.
{A brief pause}
Him: (In a high pitched voice) Mom?  It's Bill.  I'm a friend of Nathan's.  He lost his voice because you wouldn't take him to Wendy's.

I love that kid so much.  He is clever and funny and even when he's rude, there's part of me that still thinks he's pretty damn clever and funny.  He's a quick thinker and some day that will serve him well.  As he tests the waters and learns what boundaries to push and when to bite his tongue, I'm going to be doing a lot of deep breathing.

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