Tuesday, June 18, 2013

30 Summers of Bee-Gut.

Our dead end street was littered with children, all gathered for yet another game of kickball on a hot summer afternoon. Suddenly, the game was brought to a halt by a black and yellow invader. A small honey bee had the audacity to lazily fly by me as I stood way in the "outfield."

I have been, and still am, ridiculously and inexplicably afraid of all bee-type insects for as long as I can remember.  It was not, and still is not, unusual to find me screaming and flailing my arms in attempts to thwart attack.

On this particular day, many moons ago, the little bee was following me, threatening my very existence.  I ran away, disrupting the game and annoying everyone who was trying to play.  One of the boys swatted the bee, knocking it to the ground.  The bee was frying on the asphalt, but that wasn't good enough for me.  I could see its legs moving, so there was still a chance it could get me.

As we stood around the bee, older kids complaining that this distraction was taking up too much time, someone decided to step in and put an end to it.  One large, beat up high-top sneaker came crashing down, squishing the bee to oblivion. He lifted his shoe and to our collective surprise, the bee was no longer on the ground.  A chorus of "Where did it go?" could be heard out of nearly everyone.

"Michelle probably ate it," one of them said.

"Yeah, it's in her gut!" said another.

"I did not eat it!! It's probably stuck to your shoe!  Look at your shoe!" I was furious at the accusation and the sheer stupidity of it.

"Shut up, Bee-Gut," my brother said.

They kept looking at the ground and refusing to look at the bottom of the sneaker. I knew they'd find the bee if they looked in the right spot.  I hysterically urged for some common sense and was met only with more laughter and name calling. In a last ditch effort to win this one, I called them all idiots.

"At least I'm not a Bee-Gut," my brother provided as his final, calm retort.

One by one, each kid laughed and began sing-song chanting:

Beeeeeee-Guuuuuuuut!

Beeeeeee-Guuuuuuuut!

I ran home crying, but I could still hear them.

Beeeeeee-Guuuuuuuut!

I stomped in the back door of my house.  My mother was engrossed in All My Children, so her actual child's problem was on the back burner.  During the next commercial break, she finally asked me what was wrong.  I spilled the whole story and pleaded with her to punish her son.

"Well," she said after some consideration, "did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Did you eat the bee?" and then she started laughing at me, too.

Her show came back on and I was sent back outside.

They called me Bee-Gut for the rest of the summer, and it's been brought up every summer since.

***
I was outside this weekend with my husband and son, trimming our rhododendron.  A bee flew in and Kris warned Nathan to stay back.  

"Hey, hon?" he said casually to me.

"Yeah?"

"Hungry?"




Setting this story free with my pals at Yeah Write. Join us.

41 comments:

  1. Hahaha! I love the ending.

    Karen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My husband does not miss an opportunity to tease me :)

      Delete
  2. That line about your mom watching all my children while her actual child was in distress. Perfection.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I kind of chuckled at that myself.
      Thanks.

      Delete
  3. Kids can be so mean, but I'm laughing at the end because my husband would totally do the same thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure I was just as mean to someone else when I was a kid. But yes, it is kinda funny :)

      Delete
  4. I love "hungry?" hahahaha!!
    can you believe i was feeling sad for the bee in the beginning of the story? then for you, of course. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That bee totally tried to kill me by existing :)
      Yes, my husband is quite a hoot ;)

      Delete
  5. Im sorry michelle, I feel bad about the bee...Buddhism has ruined me for exterminism.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry. If it's any consolation, it's been 30 years and just about everyone in that little group has had considerable troubles over the years.

      Delete
  6. Oh Michelle, I felt the pain of being that kid that gets picked on for the lamest thing and then the hilarity that it endures to this day for no good reason. Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure the reason that it all happened in the first place was that I acted so ridiculously about the bee in the first place and then, instead of just letting the bee-gut thing go I cried and tattled and acted even more ridiculous. I was never a "let it go" kind of kid :)

      Delete
  7. kids can be cruel and it's made worse when it seems like no one cares. I'm allergic to bees so I'm glad that sucker is dead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only reason no one cared was because I was old enough to know that older kids tease the younger ones and if I didn't make such a big deal about it they would have stopped. I made it too fun for them to continue.

      I'm not allergic, I have been stung and it really wasn't that bad. I do not know why I am so afraid of them. I can't even look at pictures of them without freaking out.

      Delete
  8. oh man he did NOT ask you if you were hungry!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He did. And he brought it up again for the second time in a week. This is why I love him.

      Delete
  9. Wow-this story was a bit of a roller coaster. Your mom's remark seemed like it would feel worse than any bee sting.

    Of course, my bee story is that when I was four or five, I was stung on the tongue at the county fair while eating cotton candy. I guess that makes me the bee gut.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your comment gave me the chills. That sounds terrible!! I did get stung on the arm once by a yellow jacket and it really wasn't that bad. My fear is completely irrational.

      Delete
  10. Is it wrong that I hoped your brother would get stung by the bee? Perfect ending! My husband would have said the same thing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not wrong at all. If you met him, you'd probably hope he was stung multiple times. He has that effect on people.

      Delete
  11. Very funny, I like your humor and your husband's too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. He has always been a funny guy.

      Delete
  12. Oh my goodness, this is hilarious!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. So funny! Your Mom's response was simply perfect. Good thing hubby gets to play along. I really enjoyed this read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I probably had gone inside to complain or tattle a hundred times that morning. My mother was over it, but wouldn't miss a chance to make fun :)

      Delete
  14. Pretty darn good story! I like the part when you pleaded to the kids to look at the bottom of the shoe for the bee. I remember the frustration when kids were wrong about something and wouldn't let it go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would guess they knew exactly what happened but enjoyed making me angry. Jerks... :)

      Delete
  15. I loved this story and the ending had me laughing! Great work.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Great as always...by the way do we have mother???

    ReplyDelete
  17. Your husband sounds awesome! I am the same way about bees.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hilarious! I have the same issue with arachnids...*shiver*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as the spiders don't get on me, I'm fine. We've had the same little one in a little web in a corner by our front door and he's not bothering anyone so I left him. Big ones get scooted outside though :)

      Delete
  19. Your husband rocks! Those moments that are so hard back then sometimes translate into great stories.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I'm pretty fond of my husband. For years that story upset me because I felt embarrassed, but it's so silly. Now I just laugh about it.

      Delete
  20. Okay, so I'm gonna need names. Or at least initials. I don't remember this kickball game, but I do remember another (related) incident I will share in an effort to out myself and restore my karma.

    I think your brother must have told me about this after the fact and I teased you by singing "Be Good Johnny" by Men at Work, substituting "bee gut" for Be Good. I was a freakin' scream even back then, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yes, I recall you singing that. Thanks for having my back there, friend.

    It was the usual crew - Edison Place kids, Josh, Damon, Jason, Jim, Shannon, Little Michelle was probably there too, but I can't recall for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  22. As we stood around the bee, older kids complaining that this distraction was taking up too much time, someone decided to step in and put an end to it. One large, beat up high-top sneaker came crashing down, squishing the bee to oblivion. He lifted his shoe and to our collective surprise, the bee was no longer on the ground. A chorus of "Where did it go?" could be heard out of nearly everyone.
    Cheap LOL Elo Boost

    LOL IP

    ReplyDelete