Saturday, October 1, 2011

Passions and Spinal Cords

If there's one thing I'm good at, it's finding a passion and then not following through on it.  Often, my passions are conflicting which ultimately leads to failure of my own making.  For example, I love being fit and exercising but I also love being lazy and watching TV with a pint of ice cream.  I also am a true Gemini, I flit from idea to idea, losing interest as quickly as I gained it.  I do revisit ideas over and over which makes me wonder if they weren't good ideas in the first place or if I just dove in too fast.  Oh, and clearly I love to also second guess every single decision I make.

Another example of a passion of mine is my (not terribly successful) minimalist lifestyle.  When we bought this house, and probably one of the things that first attracted me to it in the first place, it was empty.  I love an empty room.  You're probably thinking I mean in that blank-canvas sort of way. Oh, no.  I love it because it's empty.  I don't want to put anything in it.  But, soon enough, spaces get filled.

Just about a year after moving in, it occurred to me that I had nothing to wear that wasn't ill-fitting or stained or ripped (or all three!).  Enter my new passion - fashion.  Well, sort of, but saying I am passionate about looking presentable is as lame as a grown up in ripped clothing, so we'll call it fashion.  I recruited some friends and embarked on a mission to What Not To Wear me in several months' time. (If you don't know what WNTW is, it's a reality show on TLC where they surprise the terribly-dressed, throw out their clothes and give them money for new stuff following their rules.  Despite nominating myself, I never got on the show, so I actually had to use my own money for the makeover.)

Fast forward a few months and the day to toss out my stuff approaches.  I end up with a few bags for Goodwill and a few for the trash.  But the best part was that the closet was (gasp! swoon!) almost empty.  The next day we hit the mall for shopping with the girls, lunch and drinks.  10 hours later I'm home with a new wardrobe and a full closet.  And while I love my new stuff and I mostly look put together when out in public these days, I also loved how I had an empty closet again for a few hours.  What a way to take the wind out of my own sails.

A few weeks ago I bought an organic, free-range, grass-fed, blah, blah, blah chicken.  Whole chickens are an excellent frugal meal idea because you can get 3 or more meals out of one chicken.  And I'm passionate about being frugal (except when I'm not).  I made roasted chicken the other night, then I shredded a portion to freeze for another dinner.  I put the carcass in the fridge to make soup.  This morning, I started said soup.  I soon realized that the chicken was too tall to cover with water, so I set about breaking it up.  I snapped the thing in half and looked down.  What was I holding?  Spinal cord!

Ew, ew, ew, ew, nasty.  Chicken back and spinal cord.  I'm holding a SPINAL. CORD.  I am now repulsed beyond belief.  This is the moment where I remember why I want to be a vegetarian.  All of those animals I eat have spinal cords.  Poor little chickens and their poor little spinal cords that I so callously snap in half.

And thus I'm left with a conundrum:  Do I go back to being a not-so-great vegetarian and throw my unfinished spine-soup down the drain?  This is not frugal (and I'm passionate about being frugal, remember?).  And what about all the other animal spinal cords products in the house?  Surely I can't waste them.  But then I go back to feeling guilty (another passion - this one I'm good at though.) about the animals.  A vicious cycle...

The fate of the soup is unclear.  The fates of my diet and closet are equally unclear.  Perhaps if I stuck with one passion and just DID it, that would help.  But which is the right one?  Whatever passion I pick has to be the absolute correct passion right??  And do I have the courage of my convictions to stick with whatever it is anyway for more than a day? a week? a lifetime?  Too daunting to think about that now.  For now, I need to go do something with the soup.

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