Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Chronic Pain.

I'm on Day 3 of a migraine.  It's a myth that all migraines are the kind where someone must stay in bed with all the lights off and absolute silence.  Some are like that, and then some are the kind I typically get.  I've had the other kind, with the last one happening in July 2002.  It was the worst pain I've ever experienced.  For five grueling hours, it felt like my brain was swelling while my skull simultaneously was shrinking.  I could see but not really and hear but not really.  Wiggling my toes hurt my head. Breathing hurt.  I had to force myself not to cry because that hurt, too.  I contemplated going to the emergency room, but I knew I couldn't walk to the car and the thought of EMTs trying to carry me out of our second floor apartment didn't sound any better.  I waited it out and it broke.  I thank the stars that it hasn't happened since.

This migraine, and the others I get on a monthly basis, are milder, but tend to last longer.  It's been 48 hours since I first woke up Monday morning with this one and after 25 years of them, I know enough to expect it with me most of the day.

I knew it was coming on Saturday when I first began to experience Strawberry Jelly Head.  The back of my head, right around my brain stem, starts to feel like it's turning into strawberry jelly.  Not jam and not any other flavor, strawberry jelly.  I tried to rest on Saturday and Sunday, but clearly that didn't help.

When I woke up Monday morning, my entire head was in pain.  I felt like I had been hit in the back of the head and the face with a bat.  While the pain is mostly always concentrated on the left side, it often radiates everywhere to varying degrees each time.  Now, at Day 3, it's back to the left side, but Monday and Tuesday it was everywhere.

The strangest part is that the pain moves in waves throughout the day like an oscillating fan.  If the intensity of all over pain lets up long enough, I can start to feel the smaller subsections of pain.  The feeling of kabob skewers working their way through my sinus cavities and into the backs of my eyeballs, which feel just as swollen as everything else in my head. My ears feel like someone is hammering nails straight through them, throbbing and aching.  Every step I take sends shooting pains up my neck, through the back of my head, straight to the top.

Once the main event ends, possibly because I've been sufficiently medicated or caffeinated, or it starts to rain (yes, that's always a factor), or any number of other factors occur, there's the lingering after effects I can count on for at least the rest of the day.  The fatigue is unbelievable.  It is exhausting to be in that much pain.

Perhaps the most disturbing though is Marshmallow Brain.  Have you ever microwaved a marshmallow?  First it gets really big.  You keep your finger on the stop button just in case, but you don't press it because you're daring that marshmallow to see just how big it will get before it explodes.  Once the microwave stops, the marshmallow suddenly deflates, becoming a crumpled shell of what it once was.

During the migraine, when everything in my skull feels far too large to fit in there comfortably, I always have a slight worry that this might be the day my eyeballs actually pop.  In time though, everything starts to deflate and my head-contents now feel too small.

This is where I am now.  My head feels like it's leaking, but it doesn't really Hurt with a capital H.  If I stand too quickly or turn my head too abruptly, something in my head feels like it's shifting and clunking into the sides of my skull.  I can eat again without feeling sick and my sinuses loosen the strangle hold they've had and for a brief moment I fear I'm getting a cold on top of everything else.  I can think more clearly, although still a little more slowly than usual, but I'm relieved to no longer have the confusion or inability to finish sentences which usually accompanies the more intense days.  My neck, shoulders and eyeballs are sore from the stress, but, again, this pales in comparison to the ravages of the actual migraine.

Update:  I wrote this earlier this morning, but then things got worse again.  Now, much later in the day, I'm feeling a little more human.  This better be the end of it.

Comments are closed on this post because it's getting killed with spam.


  1. Whenever you are in ill, then only you realise the importance of health. You may hear the slogan health is precious than wealth a hundred times. But you realise its meaning completely when you become ill. Paining on your joints or other body parts will be bothersome. Some doctors heal only the symptoms. But an efficient medical team with a divine touch can alleviate pain from its roots. For this noble cause, and Dr Ajay Kumar stands for. Pain Management Doctors In PA

  2. Ugh, I am so sorry about this. Headaches can be utterly paralyzing. Hope today is a much better day.

    1. It's Saturday and it's the first day my head doesn't hurt. It was a very long week. Thanks for the well wishes :)

  3. YOu described this so fucking perfectly I am about to die right here. I keep trying to describe THIS headache to my therapist. It started at the Willie Nelson concert on 7/14 and it literally has lasted for weeks. Sometimes it gets way worse and then it will go down. like volume in a radio. It's excruciating. I hate it. I have no answers, but plenty of empathy.

    1. Ugh, it's awful, right? And people don't understand how it can come and go in waves, never really being gone but being more manageable for a little while. And sometimes I wonder if it's just "better" because I need it to be, because I just do not have time for this. Anyway, I hope you're feeling better. If I find the miracle cure, I'll let you know.

  4. life with chronic pain is a nightmare!!
    lets be strong together :)

    chronic pain


  5. I am very grateful to Therapist Oniha for helping me in my problem, I was almost losing hope in life when my lover of 9 years ended our relationship without any reason these push me to get help from WEB and all I met was fake spell casters and scams and I consulted an old friend of mine and explain my situation to her and she said she was in same situation 3weeks back but a wonderful man who was sent to help people helped her out of the problem and I thought it was all a joke,I ask her if it was real and she said if it wasn't real so how did her lover come back to her, then I decided to give Therapist Oniha a try because I had nothing to loose in trying and I contacted him on his email address which is and he replied to my email very well and to cut the long story short Therapist Oniha is the only real spell caster I have ever seen it the internet and I'm very happy he brought my man back to me and my lover promise that he will never leave me again,he is much caring more than before,i am so pleased with his help. Thanks to Therapist Oniha of the


  6. I and my husband have been having a lot of problem living together, he will always not make me happy because he have fallen in love with another lady outside our relationship, i tried my best to make sure that my husband leave this woman but the more i talk to him the more he makes me feel sad, so my marriage is now leading to divorce because he no longer gives me attention. so with all this pain and agony, i decided to contact this spell caster to see if things can work out between me and my husband again. the spell caster told me what i will do to get my husband back, so he told me that he was going to make all things normal back. he did the spell on my husband and after 5 days my husband changed completely he even apologize with the way he treated me that he was not him self, i really thank this priest his name is Dr HOODOO he have bring back my husband back to me i want you all to contact him who are having any problem related to marriage issue and relationship problem he will solve it for you. his email

  7. After years in marriage with my hubby and our 2 kids, my husband started

    going out with other ladies and showed me

    cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare

    question him about his affair with other

    ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine

    told me about a spell caster on the

    internet Dr. eho who help people with the relationship and marriage problem

    by the powers of love spells, at first

    I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I

    contact him, he helped me cast a spell

    and within 48hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now

    he has stopped going out with ladies

    and he his with me for good and for real. Contact this great spell caster

    for your relationship or marriage

    problem at Goodluck

  8. Dr.Zabaza i want to let you know that my lover is back to me and everything is going smoothly just the way you told me they would be. And i also want to use this opportunity to broadcast to the world about the powers of Dr.Zabaza. Dr.Zabaza was able to bring back my ex within the period of 48 hours, And you can simply contact Dr.Zabaza on or you can give Dr.Zabaza a call on +2348182620374 in order to get your lover back within 48 hours.



  9. this is my promise to dr odudu that when my lover is back am going to tell the whole world about the help he did to my life am happy today is the help of dr odudu that bring back my lover back to me,my lover left me because his mum said he should not marry me because she has some one in her mind to to marry her son and i really lover my man so much there is nothing i could do i cry all days and all night for my lover to come back to me but he never come back, when i was browsing on net i saw many people talking about dr odudu how he help and restore their partner back i decided to put in try and all thing went for good immediately i contacted dr odudu on the way he speak to me i was feeling good and better when the spell was cast my lover call me the day dr odudu tell his going to come and he really come back will are totally married now.what ever your problem is contact dr odudu is the answer of all via or call +2348051913076 what ever your problem is contact this great man i promise you are going to smile like me.wanda from U S A

  10. Dr odudu thank you for bringing back my lover back this was my promise that when my lover is back am going to tell the whole world about your power and how you help poor and the rich with your power to get their heart desire granted with the help of his great oracles power contact him if you want your heart desire to be granted via ODUDUSPELL@GMAIL.COM OR CALL +2348051913076 his the only solution to all relationship problem and his the man that can put smile on your face once you contact him on his email :ODUDUSPELL@GMAIL.COM OR CALL HIS PHONE NUMBER +2348051913076
    fanke from united state

  11. i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr.Zabaza for bringing back my husband who left me and the kids for almost three months within the period of 48 hours Dr.Zabaza was able to bring him back to me.. i am very much greatful for restoring peace in my marital home i pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. For help you can reach him on his email address: or call +2348182620374