As I was emptying the dish drain so I could do more dishes this morning, it occurred to me, yet again, how much of my life is spent doing things I don't enjoy and wishing I had time and energy to do more of the things I do enjoy. And then, when things like the two recent storms happen, I'm scrambling to get everything done in less time and growing more and more resentful of the fact that the things I want to be doing seem less and less doable as the necessities pile up.
I had told myself that I was going to write posts in advance, to have them planned and scheduled to go so that I could keep up on them. This isn't happening. My memoir sits, barely written, in my home office that looks like a bomb went off in it. We've lived in this house 2.5 years and that room is as awful as when we moved in. The attic and basement are disasters. I never decluttered, I never worked on various projects that need finishing.
Though I've made strides towards better health, I'm still overweight, I still don't eat as well as I should. I don't cook whole foods from scratch like I promised I would. I don't exercise regularly.
My son... I don't even know where to begin there. Perhaps it's the struggle of dealing with a growing, changing kid, but I feel like as soon as I get a plan to "fix" one thing, something else changes or goes awry.
I'm blogging more, I'm glad that's going well. I wish I could be a better member of the online communities I enjoy, but work and home get in the way of that quite often. I wish I could keep up with the reading I want to do, supporting the writers I enjoy reading and, again, building better community.
This needs to change. I can't keep waking up every day saying I wish I could do this or that but having to do something else instead.
I'm not exactly sure how to achieve my goals and anyone who has hung around my blog (or me) for more than a year knows I go through this every single year. But this year I'll try harder. This year, after seeing progress on the writing front and on the health front, I am hopeful I can have a better plan, attainable goals and a better mental state surrounding the entire endeavor.
So for now, I resolve that by the end of this year I will have solid resolutions, backed up by a solid game plan to achieve them. And by this time next year, for the first time in my adult life, I won't be staring down mid-November feeling like a failure.