Sunday, August 12, 2012

Apparently I'm Mean.

I sent my kid to bed in tears the other night.  He told me this was because I'm mean.  I don't know if I'm alone in this camp, but five-and-almost-three-quarters seems to be prime attitude age.  I submit to you the following tale.

As we walked to our car after daycare, we were holding hands and Nathan was doing that kid thing where he swings my arm wildly.  He accidentally brushed his own face with his own hand and all hell broke loose.  He dropped my hand and stomped his feet.  He began to cry and scream, "You punched me in the face!" in the parking lot.  Did I mention that I pick my kid up around 5ish, just like half the other working parents in the world?  Through gritted teeth and my angry smile I urged him to get in the car.  Quickly.

I started to drive away and he then switched to screaming that he's sorry, he doesn't know why I'm ignoring him and that he loves me.  Oh, and that he needed to hug me right then and why wouldn't I hug him.  Didn't I love him?

He's been a master manipulator for a long time.  I can't help thinking the hug thing and the love thing are part of his diabolical plot to drive me insane.

By the time we got home, he had calmed, apologized for real and things were fine.  He wanted to watch videos on You Tube (please don't ask me why I started this) and we sat together watching stuff and laughing.  I'll let it slide that he wasn't interested in Animaniacs or Freakazoid.

But then it was dinner time.  I served up our daily menu of French toast, grapes and yogurt, just like he asked for and was promptly told how terrible it was.  He said, and I quote here:

You ruined my dinner on purpose because you are SO MEAN!

Yes, that's right.  I ruin dinners on purpose.  Because I'm mean.  Because mean moms make their kids what they want for dinner and then love to get yelled at by irrational children.  This is, in fact, my goal in life.  In his defense, the French toast did come out weird.  But did he really have to give that Oscar worthy performance over it?  I think not.

After that meltdown subsided, we went back to happy child time.  Until it was time for bed.  Lest you think I really am a mean person, I did the requisite warnings of 10 minutes to bed, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 OK go upstairs and get your jams on please!  To which this child, my pride and joy, threw himself on the floor and told me he was so tired he couldn't even walk anymore.  He again reminded me that I'm mean and expressed displeasure with the fact that I make him do everything while I do nothing.

Again with this mean stuff.  And making him do everything?  Like walk up the stairs?  Was I supposed to do that for him?  Please.  He is an only child and I am a pushover.  He barely has to do anything.  I'd make my standard joke I use on adults that next he'll ask me to wipe his ass for him but he does and then I do.

He finally got up and went upstairs to prepare for bed.  We played SpongeBob Yahtzee, we watched birds for a few minutes and then we hugged, kissed, snuggled and I tucked him in.  He asked for water.  He complained his room was too cold and he needed his blanket.  Then he was too hot.  Then he needed more water.  I gave him a stern warning that it was getting later and Mommy was about done with this nonsense and guess what he told me?

Yup, I'm mean.  For wanting him to go to bed and for the love of all that is good stop whining and crying over every single thing.  For wanting him to stop making all of his angry bird stuffies sing at the top of their lungs.  For not wanting to show him a picture of a scoop of blueberry ice cream on my iPhone after I already agreed to show him a picture of a cicada.

He finally went to sleep and I sighed a deep sigh of relief.  The next morning at 5:20, he woke and called out to me.  I gently told him it was too early and to go back to sleep.  He told me to stay with him and I said that everyone needed to be in their own beds still.  As matter-of-factly as he could have he replied, "If you don't stay with me, you're mean."

I went back to bed.

Thanks for reading!
You can follow my blog by entering your email on the sidebar.
You can like me on Facebook HERE! You can follow me on Twitter HERE!


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. You may be mean, but you're also very funny. Loved this post!

    1. Aww, thank you. Funny is what I do to counter how awful I am.

  3. I hope you were able to get some shut-eye after returning to bed instead of stressing. I also have an almost 6-year-old and can totally relate. For me, I get sick of constantly feeling like I'm just white noise to ignore. And then there is the birrage of questions about why he can or can't do something. Anyway, I digress...loved the ass wiping comment. Hilarious.

    1. Sadly, once I'm awake I'm up for the day. We've been talking a lot about talking back and fresh talk, etc. but I feel like it's in one ear and out the other. And the sad thing is he's such a good kid otherwise that it makes my skin crawl how he talks sometimes!

      And when, when, do I get to stop wiping my child's ass? I hope it's soon.

  4. Motherhood is equivalent to sainthood. For the record, I don't think you're mean, but you haven't "ruined" a dinner for me yet. I absolutely adore your child, but I must thank you for that little dose of birth control this morning! ;)

    1. Oh, I'm mean alright. It's fine though, it's my job. Next time you come over I'll serve you a shitty dinner and then you can hate me too!

  5. Wow, I am dreading my girl getting older, lol

    1. I couldn't wait for him to talk so that it would be easier to communicate and now I just count the moments until he's asleep and no longer talking! If only he could just talk sweetly all the time. That would be heaven :)

  6. Seven is the age of reason so hang on, you meanie! I also did many mean things, in the early years, such as feeding and clothing my children and making sure they got enough sleep. Better days are on the way!

    1. I hope so, I really do! He's such a good kid, but so fresh and irrational! He's worse now than when he was a toddler with the tantrums and the screaming and crying over everything. The drama is out of control! 7. That's 1 year and 5 months away. I think I can, I think I can... :)

  7. Louise is right, you are getting close! My boys were the worst between 3-5.5. I wanted to give them back some days (many). Once they went to kindergarten, they were suddenly so fun to be around!

    1. I am sure a lot of this crazy is that he's worried about kindergarten. He doesn't like change and he's on the shy side, so he's very worried. I wish he could articulate his concerns rather than rage at me like a lunatic, but alas, I'm stuck with a crazy child. He's a good kid really and I'm lucky he's mostly only like this at home. It could be worse. It could always be worse!

  8. I'm really enjoying the theme/design of your weblog. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility problems? A handful of my blog audience have complained about my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any tips to help fix this issue?
    Also visit my weblog :: term life insurance

  9. Awesome issues here. I am very satisfied to see your post.
    Thank you so much and I am having a look ahead
    to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?
    Here is my blog post -

  10. whoah this blog is excellent i love reading your posts.
    Keep up the good work! You already know, lots of people
    are searching around for this info, you can aid them greatly.
    Feel free to surf my website : travel deals

  11. Aw, this was a very good post. Spending some time and actual
    effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and don't manage to get nearly anything done.
    Here is my blog post : burlesque Costumes

  12. I'm not sure why but this site is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I'll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.
    Here is my site ; fiber Supplements

  13. wonderful points altogether, you just won a logo new reader.
    What may you suggest in regards to your submit that you simply made a few days in the past?
    Any sure?
    Also visit my web page ;

  14. Wow, awesοme blog lаyout! How long have
    you been blogging for? you made blogging lοok easу.
    The overаll look οf yοuг site
    іs fantaѕtіс, as well as the content!
    Feel free to visit my blog post : 1 month loan

  15. I am in fact рleaѕed to glаnce at this weblоg posts which contаins plentу
    of valuable factѕ, thаnkѕ for providing these kinds of data.

    Loоk into my ωebsite - Eternity rings
    My webpage : Eternity rings

  16. Thanks designed for sharing such a fastidious opinion, post is pleasant, thats
    why i have read it fully

    Also visit my blog post stop smoking clinic

  17. Thanks for one's marvelous posting! I seriously enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author. I will make sure to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back later on. I want to encourage continue your great work, have a nice holiday weekend!

    my blog post;

  18. Awesome blog! Do you have any suggestions for aspiring writers?
    I'm hoping to start my own website soon but I'm a little lost
    on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like
    Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I'm completely overwhelmed .. Any recommendations? Kudos!

    Here is my site web shopping application

  19. Fantastic website. A lot of helpful info here.

    I'm sending it to a few friends ans additionally sharing in delicious. And of course, thank you in your sweat!

    Here is my website; beauty skin care products

  20. Hello to all, it's in fact a pleasant for me to pay a quick visit this site, it contains valuable Information.

    Also visit my web-site -

  21. It iѕ perfеct timе to make somе plans
    for the futuгe аnd it's time to be happy. I'vе read this post anԁ if I could I desire to suggеst
    you few intеresting thіngs or aԁѵice.
    Perhaps yоu can writе next artіcles refеrгing to this artіcle.
    I wish to read moгe thіngs about it!

    Αlso visit my blоg; diet plans

  22. I think the aԁmіn of this sitе is гeally woгking hard in faνог of his web page,
    because hеre evеry stuff is quality bаѕеԁ infoгmatiοn.

    Аlѕo viѕit my blοg - diet
    Also see my web page - diet

  23. Hello, constantly i used to check blog posts here early in the dawn, since i enjoy to find
    out more and more.

    Here is my blog post: http://www.philipstorm.Me/blogs/entry/importance-of-contractor-Insurance-policies

  24. Thanks for your marvelous poѕting! I truly enjoyеԁ reading іt, yοu
    are а great author. I will make surе to boоκmark your blog and will often come bacκ lаtеr on.

    I want to enсourage yourself to contіnuе your gгeat јob, have а niсe morning!

    My webpage ... personal loans

  25. Informative article, just what I was looking for.

    Also visit my webpage;