She is wrong. I do not. She doesn't know me.
She only sees what I let her see. She sees the person who does good, who is friendly, who is supportive of others. She sees what I pretend to be.
She doesn't know that inside I am a terrible person. She doesn't hear what I hear. I am rotten and miserable, straight into my core. If she knew, she would be done with me. If she knew, she'd understand why I am so hard on myself. She wouldn't waste her time on this lost cause.
I push the loathsome parts of me down so far in the hopes that all that can come out of me is good. This is how I fool people. I am dishonest about who I am.
It passes. The bile in my gut, instead of rising up this morning, sinks back down until it's gone. I am not angry. I am not sad. My head is quiet this morning. Today, I do not hate.
I wake up to my heart racing. Before I can even blink I am ready to conquer the world. I will go off and do wonderful things. I will be spectacular. I will shine and you will take note. You will be in awe of all that I am.
I do not need your love or your kindness or your adoration. I don't need anything from you. I know I am amazing. I don't need you to tell me. I don't need to seek your approval.
I need to act on these impulses. I must do everything there is to be done and I must do it all now.
I must take hold of this, before it's too late.
Soon, the cycle will begin again.
I'm linking up with a wonderful, supportive community of writers over at Yeah Write again this week. Please stop by, read the other posts and return on Thursday to vote for your five favorites.
Thanks for reading!