Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Lunchtime Rant.

I have been a dog owner for over 13 years now.  I'm pretty sure though that I knew this little factoid prior to acquiring my little canine friend, so I'm always surprised that people are surprised by this.  Ready?

When you walk a dog, it will often need to shit.

Have you recovered from this revelation yet?  OK, good.

Now, I fully understand that sometimes the dog just went and it they surprises you with another.  I get it.  I only walk my dog on my own property since he's elderly, so when he surprises me and I don't have a disposal mechanism at my, ahem, disposal, I leave it.  I'll be honest.  And sometimes when it rains.  Or it's cold.  Or when I'm just a little lazy.  But then I go and get it later.

Here's the thing though.  IT'S MY LAWN!!!!  If I want to cover it in dog dumps, that's my business (until the town steps in, I suppose).  It does not mean that you can let your dog crap on it and you can leave it there.  Incidentally, I am fine with your dog crapping on my lawn if you clean it up because they are, after all, dogs and they can't really help where they poo.

My house is clearly a house.  It's not public property, nor can you mistake it as such.  Not that you should leave your dog crap all over public property either.  But seriously, I live here.

And, by the way, I have an 80-pound yellow lab who eats a special vegetarian formula food that yields a foundation that is quite specific.  So when your dainty little mutt takes a shit on my lawn and you leave a tiny black turd for me to pick up later, I know that it didn't come out of my dog!!!

Twice this week, you jerk.  Twice I'm picking up your dog's crap.  And don't think I didn't notice that it looks just like the craps I was picking up before it turned cold and you probably stopped walking your dog so far.  If you are smart (because clearly you are not considerate), you will make sure that if you're going to continue this you will do so when I'm not home.  Because if I see you out there letting your dog use my lawn as a toilet and you're not right at that animal's back end with a bag, you are in for it.  This blog is nothing compared to the rant you'll get then.

Thank you for your time.  I am going to eat my lunch now.

PS - I am aware it is unlikely that the dog's owner is reading this.

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